When I first embarked on this journey to motherhood five years ago at the fertility office I had a totally different view of motherhood.
I remember all the happy times growing up with my mom and siblings. She loved us unconditionally.
I saw all the pictures mothers posted of their loved little ones on Instagram and Facebook. Everything looked “picture perfect”
Don’t be fooled by these pictures. It is definitely not all sunshine and rainbows…
Don’t get me wrong I would go through anything for my child, some days are just harder than others. Some days are amazing. And some make me question “what the heck am I doing??”
Here’s a set of real pictures that I believe show every side of motherhood for me:
Putting your one week old, freshly out of the NICU in the cutest onesie for newborn pictures and he is completely unimpressed…
It is hoping he doesn’t poo, pee, or puke on your wedding gown just so you can get that perfect picture. We did. And the only thing that got pooped on, peed on, AND puked on was me 😳
It is never being able to dress your child in yellow again after having to return to the NICU because his Bilirubin score jumped up over 19
It is being super excited for your child to meet his godfather only for him to be completely unimpressed
It is being so excited to pick up your child from daycare at 6 weeks old because you’ve never been away from him for that many hours before (thank you USA for shitty maternity leave…)
It is being the cause of his first cut and first real tear
It is hating bath time
It is pouting when he does “the lip” but it is the cutest little sad face ever
It is hoping he doesn’t explosive poo while in his white baptism suit that he completely despised
I may look composed here, but don’t be fooled…I was scared to death since he didn’t poop yet and was cranky all day. Thank God the priest bored him to sleep!!
It is trying to see if he really is allergic to milk by reintroducing it only to end up experiencing the week of never ending poo and rashes. FU milk allergy.
Motherhood is being scared seeing triple digits on the thermometer…
Or texting pictures of what looks like hives to your mom and the doctor out of fear that it just may be a flesh eating bacteria. Trust me, it is not
But even though you are scared and now sick yourself, the only thing that stops the crying is snuggling with mommy
Motherhood is a challenge you need to face head on. Cooing and smiles are not constant…sometimes it is just non stop screaming because your baby cannot tell you what he needs but you try anything and everything in an attempt to calm him down. Is he hungry? Is he wet? Is he too hot? Is he too cold? Does he have a fever? Is this teething? But nothing stops the screaming sometimes.
Eventually things calm down. This is not an everyday thing, but it is real. It happens. What makes it better are days like this
But be warned…there are days that you are trapped under a baby and need a drink so bad you take an awkward picture of yourself and text it to daddy to show the severity of your thirst in order to hurry the drink fetching up #notashamed
It is watching your baby discover his love for oatmeal and not being able to feed him fast enough (or clean enough)…
Or completely despise everything you put in his mouth that day because he didn’t nap…
It is also the very real possibility that he will poop in the high chair…which almost always ends up in a blowout. No lie.
There are days that my patience is definitely tested but it all fades away and is always replaced by the beauty you see on Instagram
Screams are replaced with smiles
He will start learning things that will continually amaze you and make you realize that one day he won’t need you
Motherhood is a lifelong thing, But they won’t be little for long so take advantage of the mommy snuggles as much as possible…one day you will have your last snuggle and you won’t realize it until it has already happened… Dirty floors can wait, you’ll be cleaning them forever…baby snuggles don’t last as long.
And through it all, you must learn to look back and laugh at all the times you pulled your hair out or went to bed crying from the stress us mothers have because how can you not just smile and giggle at the cutest fucking face in the whole world. And he is all yours.
When that day finally comes when you realize you had your last snuggle, just close your eyes and think of when you first made eye contact. This is where the phrase “love at first sight” has true meaning.
I’m sure I’ll post a part 2 of this as time moves on, but I’ll be enjoying the good and the crazy because it doesn’t last forever. Monday will make 6 months for us and I need to take advantage of this as much as I can.