Sunshine Award!!!


What a pleasant surprise to wake up to!  Thank you trishadill from Life’s Journey for nominating by blog for the Sunshine Award!  Life’s not always sunshine and rainbows, especially for our tight nit community, but sometimes we have to make light of otherwise shitty situations and always offer support for one another because in the end we are all sisters.  Thank you again ❤

The rules are:-

  1. Include the Sunshine Award Icon in your post.
  2. LInk to the blogger who nominated you.
  3. Answer 10 questions about yourself
  4. Nominate 10 other bloggers to receive the award
  5. Link to your nominees and let them know you nominated them.

Here were the questions asked :-

1. What are your favorite movies and what was the part you liked best?
I’m a huge sucker for comedies, anything hilarious I will watch.  One of my favorites is Adam Sandlar’s Big Daddy.  Up until recently it was the only movie I ever cried to.  (I cried recently at the ending of the new Batman movie because Robin made his debut, but infertility made me do it).  My favorite part during Big Daddy, the part that made me bawl my eyes out like a little sissy was when Frankenstein was being taken away by the adoption agency and started screaming for Sonny and telling him “But I can wipe my own ass!” – That part gets me every. single. time. No lies.

2. If you can travel to any place in the world where would it be?
First and foremost, I haven’t been on a plane EVER.  I am DYING to get on a plane.  So if I can pick anywhere it has to be by plane and it has to be somewhere warm with clear waters and beautiful.  I’m going to go with Jamaica for this answer simply because that’s where I wanted to spend our honeymoon that we still haven’t taken because life has gotten in the way.  Buying a house, selling a house, renovating a house, going through fertility treatments for years = no honeymoon for the Cutri’s, but hey…if I get a baby or two out of this I really don’t give a shit.  There are things much more important to me in life than taking a vacation.

3. Have you ever been to summer camp?
I have been to a sports camp, yes.  It was actually pretty fun.  We played sports all day, we got free lunch, at the end of it we competed against each other.  Me and my brother were on different teams every year.  I learned that I am awesome at the back stroke and am otherwise average in every other athletic event you can think of.

4 . Are you introverted or extroverted?
Under normal circumstances I would say definitely extroverted.  I love being out and about.  I love interacting with people.  I am energized at the very thought of being social.  HOWEVER, there are certain times during an IVF cycle where I am much more comfortable being alone and it’s only because I am so anxious and worried I am going to do something wrong that I just want to focus all of my energy on me to make extra sure that I am taking care of #1 first, everything else will be there when I am done.

5.  Tell me some characteristics that are important to you in a good friend?
They need to be there when I need them the most.  They need to be understanding, kind, have the ability to listen, to tell me without sugar coating it whether or not I am being a puss puss or if I am right for having my worries, and most importantly…when I am in the craptastically crappiest of moods they need to be able to break me and make me laugh and forget about what is pissing me off at that moment.

6.  What are your hobbies?
Racing.  Up until this year with all the treatments I have been going through, Joe and I have owned our own racing series since 2007…we were both involved with said racing series for several years prior, and I grew up going to racetracks.  It’s in my blood.  It’s what I love.  Now instead of being stressed over the management of everything we can actually get to go out and interact with the hundreds of friends we have made throughout the years.  I felt so much more relaxed being able to converse with these guys one on one like a friend rather than a promoter and it was really really nice.

7.  What do you want to do when you’re finished school?
I finished college 7 years ago, I am an accountant and I love every minute of it.  I was lucky enough to land this awesome position 5 years ago (I had two previous accounting jobs, 1 I left to move closer to my husband and the other I left as the accounting department was being laid off to centralize the accounting in the middle of the country.)

8. What is your least favorite food?
Beans.  I hate beans.  Their texture just gets me.  I love the flavor that beans bring to certain dishes but I cannot eat them.  They explode when you bite into them. They have a gritty texture.  The skin makes me gag.  I actually made Joe cook his chili with all the beans in a bag so the flavor went through the chili but no beans were in my batch.  I felt bad because when I took my portion out he emptied the bag of beans into the pot but burned himself attempting to do so.

This does not pertain to soy beans (edamame) – this I adore.

9. If you can change anything in the past what would it be?
I am a strong believer in never regretting any decisions made.  I am who I am because of my past and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

10.  Why do you blog?
I came from an extremely large family, there was non stop talking, interactions, & entertainment.  You take a girl (who is the middle of 7) out of a place where there was always something to entertain you or someone to talk to and move her to a place where she doesn’t know anyone…to where her husband is the only child…where family gatherings aren’t communicated to us.  I get lonely and bored.  I guess I initially started writing to get my voice out there and I feel like sometimes I write like I’m having a conversation with my mom because she’s not in my house, because I have to wait a month or more sometimes to see her.  I also write because what we are going through is not fully understood by anyone around us so using this as an outlet to vent and interact with people in our situation was saving me from going absolutely mental.  I normally am a positive person but we all have weak moments so I rely on you ladies to help me get my head back in the game whether it is by silently (or not so silently) stocking your blogs or asking for advice.

Here are my 10 nominees:-

1. Something out of Nothing

2. Barren Betty

3. From Pincushion to Baby

4. Rain Before Rainbow

5. Today I Hope

6. Nat JezzCrawford

7. Scrambled Eggs

8. Maybe This Time

9. Still a Mama Wannabe

10. Starbucks, Peace, and the Pursuit of a Baby

Here are my 10 questions: 

1. So…Needles…how much do you love them?

2. When you are in the foggiest of days and nothing seems to be turning your mood around, what is one thing you know you can rely on to put a smile on your face?

3. What is the one dish you are known for? (for the not-so-culinary savvy, if you could eat one dish for the rest of your life what would it be, and from where?)

4. Do you have a lucky sock?  (Not so much a sock in particular but an item that you may carry around with you when you need a little extra boost in luck?)

5. If you could go back in time [at any stage of your life] and tell yourself something, what would you say?

6. Who is your biggest Man-Crush (Woman-Crush)? What about them does it for you?

7. Have you had any really odd searches that lead to your blog?  Name the strangest ones.

8. Have you had something REALLY awesome happen to you or someone close to you where it made you feel so happy?  Care to share?

9. If you could go to dinner with any Celebrity, who would you choose and why?  What would you ask them?

10. Why are you here? Why do you blog (besides the obvious)?

Thanks again for the nomination and I wish I could have chosen more blogs to nominate, because I have a bunch of fantastic ladies I follow and who support me!

Is your husband a winner? Mine sure is…

Sure, everyone finds annoyances in everyone…even their husbands.  But does anyone really sit down and say “Hey, even though my husband is annoying as fuck, he’s still a winner and a pretty amazing person in my book” (Husband, wife, partner, friend with benefits…insert whatever you like for my point here, I won’t judge).  If you said yes, then good for you…chances are you have gone through hell and back with him and passed all the tests with flying colors OR are pretty fresh in your marriage and everything is all fun and sexy still.  If you said no, maybe you should sit down and think about all the little (or big) things he does for you so you feel a little better, or maybe you’ve never been put in a situation where you realized “Wow, I don’t know if I could have done this with anyone else” (If so, I applaud your seemingly stress free life!).

The reality of it is I married a pretty immature man.  He’s all work when the situation calls for it, he has a good job, he takes care of the house…but out in public he acts like a child.  Even at home he acts like a child.  Sometimes it is funny, sometimes I am not in the mood for it.  But that’s how he is…that’s who I married…why should I hate that now when that is what I fell in love with in the beginning?  I don’t hate it, sometimes I just am not ready for it or it is just too much.

Even though he is completely childish, these last few years of hardship for us has brought us closer than ever.  We have gone through buying a house, BARELY selling the house, countless renovation projects, the stress of dealing with infertility, finding means to pay for our treatments, the treatments themselves making me bat-crap crazy, a failed IVF, a successful one ending in a Miscarriage, dealing with the miscarriage, another failed IVF, job losses and new employment, and embarking on this latest round of fertility treatments in our FET round.  It has been traumatic to say the least but the one thing I can count on ALWAYS being the same and ALWAYS being there is my husband, even if it is just for a laugh when I really need it.

Through all our treatments he has been a champ.  He self injected himself every day for 2 years before we could start this process and when I was too afraid to even look at a needle he gave me all my injections almost painlessly (Some of them did hurt but it is so much better than trusting myself to do that!).  He’s been at every single appointment (except one when he was in adrenal crisis due to food poisoning so I can’t blame him for that!), he’s been through EVERYTHING without questions and is always putting me as #1.  Whether it is food or how I feel or making plans, he always makes sure it is something I want first.

I am one lucky person.  I don’t know if I would ever have gone through any of this for anyone else.  I have tortured my body and mind beyond repair, I have a “new me” that will never be like old me for all the experiences I have gone through but I would do it over and over again if I had to with him.

He may laugh at how I say “that’s so odd” UNCONTROLLABLY, but I also laugh at when he tries to launch himself up from laying position on the couch and cracks his head off the edge.  We are both pretty childish when you think about it but I’d say we were made for each other.

Darling, I know you are going to be reading this in the next day or so…so…yeah…there you have it.  I love you 🙂

Here’s a little blast from the past…our entrance and exit to our wedding reception:

Wedding Reception Entrance wedding2

Me and My Gang!

It’s a brother and a sister kind of thang
Raise up your hands if you all wanna hang
With me and my gang

Rascal Flatts

That’s me…just hanging out with the Three Muskateers.  Bored.  Time. Is. DRAGGING.  Only 3DP3DT.  Progesterone playing games with me, as usual.  Imagine, if you will, that big pamphlet inside the box of Crinone listing all the possible side effects this medication can cause (all the non-serious ones anyways)…whelp that’s me.  Everything.  Even the nausea.  Did I mention I love progesterone? lol.  Oh, the things we do to ourselves to become mommies!  Crazy, I say!  Plain crazy!

Oh, and awesome news, three of our embryos made it to expanding blastocysts and have been frozen!!! We almost had 4…so close, but it just stalled right before…but how awesome is that?! We never had anything make it to freeze and now we have THREE!! THREE FREAKING FROZEN BABIES!!! I’m so freaking ecstatic it is not even funny!

Anyways, 9 days to go…someone entertain me! This wait is torturous!


Baseline tomorrow!

Three posts in a week? Holy cow, it’s like I’m starting treatments again…oh wait! Tomorrow I will know when my first lovely injections is! My guess is Saturday. TOMORROW is my baseline appointment!  I am so excited I can barely contain myself! I literally had a crying fit at work this morning I was so happy thinking of tomorrow.  Then my song for BOB came on in the midst of me being incredibly happy and I just knew it was a sign from him that everything is going to be OK.

I am emitting positive energy right now, as if somehow it is being transmitted from all the generous love, support, positive vibes, and prayers from so many friends, family, perfect strangers, and fellow bloggers directly into me.  I feel like I am glowing with all of this energy.  I feel high…like I’m floating, and someone else has just taken all of my anxiety from me.  BOB, is that you?  I don’t know how else to describe it, but I feel like everything is falling perfectly into place and I am ready for this. So ready. I am back into a good place. I am daydreaming about my future with children. I am envisioning myself a big fat hormonal pregnant chick who can’t see her legs to shave them. I am more ready for this now than I have ever been.

I just wanted to send a big thank you to everyone who has been following me, thinking about us, praying for us, sending positive vibes to us, crossing their fingers for us, and making me feel completely and totally loved.  I can’t wait to share the rest of this journey with you all.