Fog

Is there such a thing as detoxing from Birth Control pills? I am a major mess right now.  This morning I got the shakes so bad it scared me.  I feel like my memory is not at 100%.  I also am unusually upset about something I shouldn’t be this upset about.  I’m definitely not myself today.

2 days until the injections start.

Who’s that crazy lady?

Woman-HulkThat would be me.  I’m that crazy lady.  I am trying VERY hard to control myself because I do feel myself wanting to flip out at the tiniest little things.  To prevent myself from turning into the incredible hunk and smashing the crap out of everything I just have to remove myself from the room or situation and breathe…it helps…a lot.  I’ve become a monster.  6 more pills to take then a few days off until the injections begin…hopefully I’ll calm down a little in the break between.

On a lighter note, another thing keeping me happy and excited is my sister’s visit scheduled to start on Sunday.  I’m trying to plan some fun activities around the house for the boys in case there is a day of bad weather and we can’t take them to the park.  It’s going to be a fun time…I just hope this week doesn’t drag by since I am looking forward to the visit!

Ready, Set, Melt Down!

So I have had my first official sign of raging hormones from the birth control. I have never felt so out of control in my life.

Yesterday I had a MAJOR meltdown, I mean tears pouring down my face, snot leaking out of my nose, uncontrollable, hysterical crying…all over one number. I’ve been pretty busy at work and I had just sent out a report that had one incorrect number…any other day I would just fix and resend…but not yesterday…I took it to heart yesterday. And there I was, sobbing uncontrollably in front of my boss who doesn’t know how to act around me with everything that is going on medically with me so add in a hormonal hysterical woman and I think a bomb went off inside him. I couldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried. I knew it was silly. I was laughing WHILE I was crying because it was just so ridiculous! Just imagine someone laughing REALLY hard and the tears coming out of their eyes are not laughing tears but sad/angry/stressed tears gushing out like a friggin waterfall…that was me yesterday. That was my melt down. I feel terrible for my boss. Ever since this melt down I feel my emotions toying with me.

On a different note, I get to have 3 wonderful visitors in 10 days for a whole week. My sister, Beth, and her two handsome boys, Jason and Miles, will be staying with their Aunt and Uncle Joe for a week…it would be a nice welcomed break from Scranton for them and I’m probably going to spoil all of them rotten…especially Beth since she won’t have to do any house work for a whole week! I already arranged my schedule for the week to work from home on Monday and Wednesday just in case they need anything, Tuesday and Thursday Joe’s mom will be around if she is needed during the day, and Friday is our fun-day. I already made appointments at Bounce U in the early morning, we’ll have a nice lunch, visit everyone at my work, and maybe hit up Giggleberry in the afternoon for some educational fun! I cannot wait! I just need to know what they like to eat so I can put together a menu of dinners for the week and have lunch items readily available to them.

Yay for a week of family!! I haven’t had that since I moved down here 5 1/2 years ago. Wow it’s been WAY too long.

April Fools Day Rant/Week 1 of Birth Control

I love a good innocent prank just like the next good humored person, especially on April Fools day!  A fake bug here, a rigged sink faucet there, fake poop, whoopie cushions, you name it, I love it.  What I do NOT love is the prank others think is hysterical – to pretend they are pregnant to scare their family…not quite funny to one who has been trying to get pregnant for many years and has spent almost 50K in the last couple years trying to achieve this.  I have seen a half dozen or so on a couple social media sites in the first hour of the day today when I realized that today is going to be a rough one and I should probably give social media a rest for a day or so until everyone gets this NON funny “prank” out of their system.  I know there is no intention of hurting others feelings in this seemingly harmless to them prank but I just wish people would think about the potentially hurt feelings of others when posting something like this…it hurts a lot and I just have to go on with my day pretending it doesn’t affect me since I have chosen to keep my infertile life a secret from 99% of the world.

End Rant.

Today marks the 7th day of my 3 weeks on Birth Control.  Before today I really didn’t feel any different, in fact I was in a wonderful mood for the last week and I didn’t feel any different, physically.  Today is a different story.  Today I am in a terrible mood, I am up and I am down, I am mad and sad and at one point I was a little overly happy only to come crashing down to being royally pissed off…but I think most of it is due to the rant above.  But aside from that I am getting terrible headaches and today I just feel completely nauseated…again, it could be from previous rant but I don’t think I would make myself sick over it.  Maybe the side effects finally kicked in.  Maybe the next two weeks are going to be a hell-ridden roller coaster and Joe should go into hiding until it is time to stab me in the belly.  Darling, I apologize ahead of time if my moods/behavior changes…I promise I will try to control it to the best of my abilities but if today is a precursor to what is to come, I am scared.

Please tell me it gets better.  Has anyone else turned into a crazy hormonal bitch on Birth Control? I hope I am not just making this stuff up…I just don’t feel like me today.

 

An Exact Day? Holy Cow!

I am in shock.  They are able to tell me the exact day I will be starting the stims! There is never any certainty involved in any of this and for once, I have an actual start date!  I actually have 3 full weeks to prepare for this!  AND I got to give my boss plenty of warning that I will be late every other day for over a week and sometime between 4/29 and 5/5 I am going to need a day or two off but I will not know until right before.  At least there’s some warning!

I lied yesterday saying I was only going to be on BC for 2 weeks…well I start today and stop taking them on 4/14 (3 weeks total).  On 4/18 I go in for my suppression check and that is Day1 of stims.  There are 7-12 days of stims so we are looking at an Egg retrieval date of probably 4/29 or 4/30 with transfer date somewhere between 5/2 to 5/5.  (depending on if they do a Day 3 or Day 5 transfer).

And you know me…I am a planner…if (WHEN) this works, this puts a potential due date (if a singleton) on 2/2/2014 or (if there’s  two) 1/19/2014! How exciting!

I’m even more excited because this is all happening again finally, on the week of our 4 year anniversary.  And the egg retrieval is going to be right after my 29th birthday.  So many happy things are happening right now.  And guess what…I took that stupid needle like a friggen champ today.  I was worried because I haven’t seen hide nor hair of a needle in over a month when I had the fasting blood draw for the coculture serum and I cried like a baby…today I was stone cold and made that needle my bitch!  Here’s to getting a little better day by day.  Hopefully I can make all the upcoming needles my bitch!

Tomorrow, I’ts Only a Day Away!

Guess what tomorrow is?  My Baseline Appointment! It’s officially Day 1 of the long protocol!

I will officially be starting Ethinyl Estradiol (which is a synthetic estrogen birth control) tomorrow for approximately 2 weeks.  After that I will be going back in the office for a suppression check and hopefully starting the injections.

I don’t think I was that crazy on all the hormones last time, although I did have a few freak out moments…but overall I think I was just more hyped up and over emotional about the situation and not because of the hormones…hopefully since I know what to expect (or not to sometimes!) I can be a little more controlled.  I did hear, however, that the birth control is the one that makes you crazy…so I’m a little nervous about taking this.  Imagine that, I am 28, trying to have a baby, and going on birth control for the first time in my life.  Is this irony?

I think I am getting myself over excited.  I cleaned the house top to bottom yesterday.  I want everything perfect right now and to stay that way for what I can feel will be our happy ending.

Please keep us in your thoughts…I am very positive about this cycle and positive thoughts and prayers will surely help as well!

Consultation tomorrow!

It seems to have taken forever to get to this day, but we have our full consultation tomorrow.  I “should” find out what drugs I will be on, I should find out when I am to be starting them, I should probably get my Birth Control Prescription.

I have a list of questions, I have a calendar of Nov-Dec printed so I can get estimated dates and fill them in.

For the first time ever I can say that I am not nervous at all for this appointment…I mean I was tortured the last 3 times I was in the office so this talking thing is going to be a breeze…I can’t wait to find out the next step…

Joe went for his first of 2 frozen samples today…and they gave him the trifecta of tests, blood, semen, and urine.  They took all his fluids!  His next frozen sample will be done in November so I’ll get on his case to get that scheduled early so we don’t run into the same problem as we did this time with the timing of everything…
I can’t believe we will be starting the BCP in a couple weeks!! The process will officially begin on the first pill…I am happy. 🙂