Potty training eve **warning – this post contains a picture of a poo

Tonight we change our toddler into his last night time diaper and say farewell to the changing mat.  Tomorrow when Joey wakes up he will be stripped of his diaper and placed on the potty and there’s no turning back.

What have I gotten myself into?  I mean, I know it’s time.  He’s ready.  We’ve been amping up this day for weeks.  Why am I not ready?

We created this child in September 2013, he was frozen for a whole year before we met again, and now he’s this crazy talkative and bright little man.  He’s not tiny anymore.  He’s my big boy.  I don’t know if I am emotionally ready for this but I will pretend to be strong for him so we can get through this.

OK, I think I’ve finished my pity party.  Thanks for joining me for that.  I’d love to hear your experiences (the good the bad and the ugly), any tips, words of encouragement, or something particularly funny to get me through the next week.

Oh…and about that warning of a poo picture.  Joey finally successfully pooped in the potty the other day but last night…well…he had other plans for that poo.












poo picture

A happy and sad day. Happy Mother’s Day

Can you believe that 4 years ago on this day we found out that for the very first time the IVF was successful and I was finally pregnant.  Little did I know this would be our first Angel Baby


Yes, I know this should be a happy day for me since I have my Joey, but it also comes with great sadness…I should have 4 babies but instead 3 have become angels.  Time does not heal, it only changes the way you handle the pain.

I can remember so many Mother’s days being so completely depressed that I was empty handed again.  I can also remember Mother’s days weeping over the loss of my babies.  I still weep to this day but it is of happiness and sorrow as I love my Joey so much but still mourn the loss of my angels.

It doesn’t get easier…it just gets different.

To the mommies waiting to fill their arms, to the mommies mourning the loss of their babies…stay strong, especially on this day.  You are so strong for all that you have been through, just remember that.



Stop using the “S” word!

Sometimes parents annoy the shit out of me.  I probably annoy the shit out of other parents as well so I’m not going to deny my annoying tendencies to post thousands of pictures and videos proudly displaying my son and his inherent cuteness.  I’m probably the most annoying of all!  But I’m not here to talk about me, I’m here to talk about you…or maybe not you…but definitely some of you who are bound to lay your eyes on this.

What REALLY annoys me is when parents brag about how smart and ahead of the game their child is.  My husband is even guilty of it and I have to firmly remind him why he shouldn’t do that.  He’s gotten much better.  If you scroll through my Facebook and Instagram you will never once see ME refer to my child as smart or the best or way ahead of the game…you’ll see a ton of other people say it about him, but never me.  Why?  Because I don’t want to give my child an ego.  I want him to always strive to do better because he works so damn hard at it and that’s what I love so much about him, his drive. I also don’t want to compare him to another child because every single child learns and develops at their own rate.  Every. Single. One.  No child is better than another because you think they are the most intelligent creature God ever created.  I also know what milestones are meant for, and they are certainly NOT meant for bragging.

A child is not born smart or ahead of his milestones.  And smart is really just a relative term.  Also, a child who has the means to build on their foundation, with the help of his or her parents and caretakers, is vastly capable of being ahead of these “milestones” doctors set which are simply the least or expected things a child should be able to achieve by a certain age before becoming concerned about developmental delays.  They are simply measurement tools to ensure there is nothing going on that can’t be physically seen.  They are in no way shape or form a stepping stone for parents to rub “smarts” in everyone’s faces.  Your child can crawl, (s)he’s so SMART!  No, your child doesn’t have a physical disorder that would prevent them from crawling, you are lucky to not have to intervene…smarts have NOTHING to do with it, human instincts to crawl and being physically capable does.

Your child may be smashing all these milestones really early, mine did too, but some don’t develop that quick and some have certain conditions that don’t allow them to smash them like we were fortunate enough to.  These developmental milestones are in place to look for signs that your child doesn’t have a condition that would involve intervention and further medical diagnostics to determine what is going on.  Hello…this is how they discover when babies are hard of hearing!  Get off your high horse and stop giving your child an ego so early…they are working hard to learn everything all at once, instead of bragging why don’t you work with them to develop into kind and well mannered human beings who work hard to achieve both your and their own goals in life.  The world needs more humbleness and less showboats.  I don’t know when or why medical diagnostics on well visits turned into a competition of smarts.  I’ll take it all back if you can show me your 4 month old doing long division, but I won’t hold my breath waiting.

And if you are on the other side of the fence and think your child is not intelligent, step back a second.  Toddlers and children love to tease us old folk.  If you want something so hard in every breath of your being, your child will pick up on it and tease you with it.  If there are no diagnosed developmental delays, chances are your child is messing with you.  They are all sponges and will only do what they want to do.  You just have to find a way that makes it fun for them…playing is learning, too.

Now if you excuse me, I’m going to continue praising my child for his hard work and not shout from the rooftops he is so smart.

End Rant.

Also, for those who use the term “smart” to their child, this is a very good read on why you shouldn’t use the “S word”.



Naked and Afraid.

I felt the title was appropriate because that is exactly what I am right now.  Except I’m in a robe.

Why am I afraid?  Plain and simple, I’m afraid of the unknown.  I’m afraid for my child’s future.  I’m afraid for my friends and family.  I’m afraid for this country.

Now, it doesn’t matter who was elected president, the hate would have still been there regardless of the outcome and it would probably be just as bad as it is now, if not worse, if the other party won.  I’m not generalizing, it’s not everyone but there are a lot of people right now who have gone absolutely batshit crazy over the outcome of this election on both sides which is why I know it would have been the same if the results were flipped.

I really try to keep peace and promote love and happiness, but it is becoming exceedingly difficult to do so when I see violent protests from those who didn’t “win” and downright racist and bigoted comments, gestures, and actions from those who drank the spiked punch at the Trump rallies.  I find it difficult to believe if Hillary won we wouldn’t have seen any of this, either.  The ones who supported Trump based on racism and hate [not the ones who educated themselves on his plans] would have been rioting and spouting the same hate filled comments, gestures, and actions while select Hillary supporters would have been rubbing their victory in the wrong person’s face.  I’ve had family and friends attacked verbally and physically.  How am I supposed to promote happiness when we are surrounded in such hate?  I’m so sad.

The crazies seem to be coming out in large numbers and it scares me to think they have been there filled with so much hate for so long.  It’s like these ‘Americans’ are our new terrorist threats.  Our own ‘people’.  We made that.  This country made that.  How did WE let it get this bad?

One thing I can think of is we aren’t doing our jobs at home.  There’s not much we can do right now to show these damaged people the way, but they surely need help and I pray that they either find the way or are stopped by the law.  What we CAN do is prevent this disgusting show from ever happening again.  How?  We need to raise our children to love each other regardless of color, birth country, religion, sexual orientation, disability, or any other “difference” they may have.  EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.  EVERYONE IS UNIQUE.  EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL.  We need to raise our children to respect our country and our laws.  They need to respect authority figures.  They also need to know their rights and how to get their voices heard in a respectful but powerful way, not through bullying, name calling, and violence.

While I cry about the crumbling of people I call “fellow Americans” and figure out how to continue to promote love and happiness I will make sure that I pay extra attention to ensure my son grows up to love and respect all.  I will also take extra care in those children who surround me and my family and make sure that they see only love and respect flow from my words and actions and be an example of the good this country (and world) so desperately needs.  We need to fix the future for our children.  We need to be the change.

Please, stop the violence.  Our children need to see that this country is great and can do great things.  Right now, the future looks dim but complaining doesn’t fix a damn thing.  DO SOMETHING.

EDIT…I have friends and family who have voted in both directions and I support their decisions and respect them for it.  This is not response to the entirety of either party.  These acts are being committed by a small percentage of the supporters on either side but I don’t think anyone realized how deranged people could get over an upset or a victory.


Holy Sick!

Why is it that a few days after I complete graduate school and have plans to do ALL THE THINGS do I get ridiculously sick and it lingers for going on 2 weeks…

Our little mini vacation was filled with sickness.

Once I feel better I’ll be posting so much you’ll hate me.  LOL.  For now, I’m going to go die in a corner shivering and coughing :/

Postpartum Hair Loss

It’s real.  When Joey was about 4 months old, all my luscious hair decided it wanted to fall out all at once. Probably because of my hormones trying to revert to normal as quick as humanly possible.  I cut my hair short and within a week my hair started falling out and I had many bald patches.  This is what the regrowth looks like a year and 3 months later.  No, I never got bangs.  This is some of the bald spots growing back.  In fact, more than half my hair is this length while the rest is 6 inches longer which is why my hair is almost always in a pony.  I need to find some time and moola to start the “evening out” process until my hair is all one length.  It’s just as awful as growing out a pixie except from being bald in random places for a few months.  Also have to find a new salon since I’m 2 hours from my favorite stylist ever 😐
If you have any tips on how to speed up the regrowth after I finally take care of this mop with a fresh cut, I’m all ears.  My biggest hit to self confidence after the baby (appearance wise) was definitely the dramatic and unexpected hair loss.  


Here’s what it looked like when it first started falling out.  It only got worse from here: