I don’t talk about this
much ever since it was such a life changing experience, but looking death in the face has changed me. Many people do not know that right after the birth of baby Joey I had an internal hemorrhage so bad I almost bled out. They rushed me away and left Joe and my mother in a room covered in my blood that was described to me as looking like a murder scene with a nurse stating they would do their best to save me.
I felt my life pouring out of me. I kept falling in and out of consciousness. I was so cold. At one point I closed my eyes as they were working on me and putting a line in for a transfusion. I had a vision of my angels. They were so cute. My BOB was the exact image of Joey as he looks right now and I keep thinking of how he is just how I dreamed. My perfect little angel.
Our angels were looking out for us that night. They told me to go home and meet my baby. They watched after Joey in the NiCU.
I remember waking up cold and confused thinking I can’t NOT fight for something I’ve worked so hard to get. I pushed myself to respond to the staff of doctors as they were prepping me for emergency surgery. I remember praying to God that he allow me to stay with my new little family. All of a sudden, I felt at peace. My doctor waited and said the bleeding had stopped and to hold off on the surgery until she could assess the situation. A few minutes later she was certain they had the bleeding under control and she said how close I was to, at the very minimum, losing my uterus.
Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of being reintroduced to our last frozen embryo so I felt the need to share why I will fight as hard as I possibly can for my child. It is not only because he has been the one thing we wanted through 5 years on fertility treatments but also the one thing that made me fight for my own life. I promise to give this little man the best I can give him, forever and always.