I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for the happy Mother’s Day texts, calls, cards, and messages. It truly is a blessing to be the mom to this little miracle.
One thing I did notice is there were a lot of people wishing me a happy “first” Mother’s Day and while I do really appreciate just the thought I just wanted to let you know that this is not my first Mother’s Day. I’ve been a mother for quite some time now. I’ve been a mother since I had the desire to have a child of my own. If you ask my grandfather, he will tell you I had the word “Mom” written on my forehead for the last 6 years as he knew that is what I was destined to be. I’m also a mother to three wonderful angels who I think about and feel every single day. Even though these babies found their home in heaven, I am still their mother…they just were too perfect to be placed here on earth but rather they will play with all the other angel children up in heaven and will be waiting at the gates for me to finally hold them when it is my time.
My little Joey is a true gift and I can’t wait for him to call me mama. I will protect him from as much evil in this world as I can. I will teach him the true meaning of family. I will show him what love is and how you express it. I have the arms to hold him and hug him, the chest for him to calm in, the lips to give him tons of kisses, and the neck for him to snuggle his head up to but I also have a heart that houses his angel brothers and the dreams they always find their way in to and that is why this is NOT my first Mother’s Day.
Mother’s day is not about physically birthing a child, it’s the emotion, the physical bond, the love, and the fight. There are many mothers in this world that, although they did physically birth a child, do not deserve to be called a mother while there are so many women who would give anything to be able to do what they did while the bad “mothers” take it for granted and abuse/neglect/take advantage of their child[ren]. These women who yearn to be in their shoes are the real mothers because of their desire. They dream of what their future child may look like, how they would raise them, and what kind of a man/woman they would turn out to be. They swear by their last breath that they would give anything, including their own life, to just be called “mommy” by their very own child. I know this because I was there for five years. Jealous. Angry. Depressed. All while still dreaming of my future and staying strong because I knew I couldn’t give up on my dream no matter how many times I was knocked down, no matter how many failed IVF cycles and no matter how many times I heard the words “I’m so sorry, there’s no heart beat anymore.” It takes a strong person to be able to keep on pushing to fight for their dream and while some may eventually achieve it, there are still so many who are left empty handed and broken. These women deserve to be recognized for their strength especially on a day that many suffer through but put on a strong face so as not to raise attention to themselves because they have never been able to let anyone in on the pain they go through on a daily basis.
I would like to wish all the angel mommies and those trying so desperately to have a child to hold a happy Mother’s Day as well…you have a love that will never be replicated and that makes you a mom as well. I know today is a sad day for you but you also deserve to celebrate because you ARE an amazing mom. A strong mom. A mom that has so much love for something that can’t be seen with the eye…yet. You are a mom that can put on a strong face for others and help comfort others because you have had one hell of a hard ride and you know real pain. Raw emotional pain. Pain that, to me, was far worse than childbirth. Infertility and child loss are shoes I wish no one to ever have to wear but you wear them…and so do I. So happy Mother’s Day to you as well. Celebrate your strength and your love because you deserve to be recognized, too, as a mother in her own right. A mother of what was, what has yet to be, and unfortunately of what may never be…but still with the same desire, the same love, and the same strength that others should be envious of.
I also wanted to share a special poem with the angel mommies as I read it religiously even when it is not Mother’s Day…sometimes I just need to read it to get through a particularly difficult day.
|What Makes a Mother|
|By Jennifer Wasik|
|Written with love for all the Mother’s missing their babies|
|I thought of you and closed my eyes
and prayed to God today
I asked, “what makes a Mother”?
And I know I heard Him say,
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a Mother
when your baby’s not with you?”Yes you can!”, He replied
with confidence in His voice,
“I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day
And some I send to feel your womb
but there’s no need to stay.”I just don’t understand this God,
I want my baby here.”
He took a breath,
If you could see your child smile
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
So you see my dear sweet one,
So now you see
Though some on earth may not realize