Baby Joey – 2 month update


So I officially have a 2 month old…I could cry!  I just want time to stop so I can enjoy it, it is going by way too quickly!

Developmentally, he is crazy advanced!  He’s smiling as a reaction now and not because he is sleeping or gassy and lets out a cute little squeal when he has a big smile on, he’s following me with his eyes and follows objects as well.  He can pick my voice out and look in my direction even when there’s a lot going on.  At day care he was sound asleep and I walked in and started talking and he immediately woke up and looked for me…it was freaking adorable.  He’s reaching for objects and batting at them.  His leg muscles are great and wants to stand up a lot.  He is holding his head up high and very steady.  He rolled from belly to back!  He’s finding his voice and playing with it.  He’s starting to explore with his mouth, the kid licks everything.  I just bought a necklace that’s safe for babyies so he can play with it while I hold him and I don’t have to worry about keeping it away from his mouth.  He’s grabbing and holding onto things (re: have to buy a baby safe necklace for this reason, too!).  The list just grows and grows every day with things he’s learning.  I’m proud of his smarts!  He’s also so much more alert and stays up for a few hours at a time now.  I try to give him tummy time when he’s awake and happy as much as possible, but it can only be done in small stints being a reflux baby…

His weight is currently 11lb 5.5oz and he’s now 23.5 inches tall.  His weight puts him in the 44th percentile and height he’s at 73% (I believe).  His head measured 15 but I forget what percentile he was placed in for that…but he’s following the curve nicely!

We are still having reflux issues and I have a feeling they are going to up his dosage for zantac at the follow up appointment but for now we have to deal with the spit up as they didn’t recommend changing anything until the next appointment on June 16th.

The poor baby got 4 shots yesterday at his appointment and will be getting 4 more shots in 2 months at his 4 month appointment.  He was sore and cranky after that so we gave him a little tylenol after his 7 o’clock bottle and it helped his ouch legs and made him more comfortable…he was also feeling a little warm which they said would be normal having a low grade fever with the vaccines.  He seems to be much better today, but he is at day care and has been changed into new clothing so I’m wondering if it was a blow out or a spit up issue.

Joey teaches us life lessons all the time…the one he did yesterday was NEVER under ANY circumstances leave the house without an overly stocked diaper bag.  We took him to his appointment expecting to be out of the house for an hour with 3 diapers, wipes, 2 burp rags, a swaddle blanket, and a disposable changing pad.  That’s it.  In the waiting room, sitting in his car seat he had a massive blow out.  MASSIVE.  We had no spare clothes and Joe ran out of wipes as he was cleaning him up.  The burp rags were dirty as well.  OMG.  Good thing we brought a blanket and I had a sweater on that we draped over him in the car seat when we were leaving because otherwise he’d be naked…and it was chilly out.  I will NEVER leave the house without no less than a fully stocked nursery in my bag.  I can’t risk that anymore! LOL.

We have a sleeper, too!  He’s been sleeping great, there’s times we have to wake him up because we need to get him ready for daycare so I think he’d sleep even longer than what he has been if we just didn’t bother him.  I’m going to test that theory out this weekend but we have gotten 7 hour stretches out of him which is absolutely amazing.

There’s been a lot of craziness at home and it has been making me feel pretty isolated and lonely but some of my family is coming up for his christening this weekend so that should help for a little bit.  We are trying to keep it a very small get together because of the craziness and my anxiety/PPD so only immediate family and very close friends have been invited to keep my nerves in check.  This is the longest stretch of time my mom has been separated from the baby since he was born so I have to be careful not to get trampled by her when she comes bolting through my door on Sunday morning!  lol.

Here’s a couple pictures I took of him yesterday on his 2 month anniversary of tearing apart my lady parts!  He’s too adorable – he makes my heart melt! ❤

I'm 2 months old!

I’m 2 months old!

Every time I put the camera to my face he looks at me like I'm an alien LOL

Every time I put the camera to my face he looks at me like I’m an alien LOL

Caught a smile as he was ripping off his sticker!

Caught a smile as he was ripping off his sticker!

I am not a martyr


These words keep repeating over and over in my head.  “You are not a martyr other people have lost children, other people have had a hard time getting pregnant.”

Yes, other people have lost children.  Yes, other people have difficulties getting and sustaining a pregnancy.  I never said I was a martyr, rather I’d call it an advocate.  So what if I am open about publicly discussing something so emotional or even simply acknowledging that these events occurred in my life rather than keeping my feelings inside to kill me bit by bit.  Everyone handles situations in their own way, this is how I handle what has happened to me, to us…by talking and writing and holding my angels in my heart and acknowledging that this was a long hard battle to get our miracle baby.

I am not a martyr, but I am not going to keep my mouth shut because you don’t feel I am special enough to share my struggles.  Sometimes I need to talk and I have helped a lot of people in doing so…maybe one day someone can help me much like I have helped others.  I will not hold back my feelings because you don’t think what I went through is worthy enough to deserve your compassion.

I am not a martyr but I deserve to be able to speak about what happened to me much like you are free to speak your mind without a filter whenever you so choose and expect everyone to not get offended.

I am done being treated like garbage.  I am done living my life in fear.  I am done being depressed over being treated wrongfully by people who are supposed to be there for me.

I need to make some changes for the good of my family…it’s going to be a long and difficult process but we need positivity back in our lives or I am afraid I will have a breakdown.

Mother’s Day reflection – here’s to the infertiles and angel mommies


I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for the happy Mother’s Day texts, calls, cards, and messages.  It truly is a blessing to be the mom to this little miracle.

One thing I did notice is there were a lot of people wishing me a happy “first” Mother’s Day and while I do really appreciate just the thought I just wanted to let you know that this is not my first Mother’s Day.  I’ve been a mother for quite some time now.  I’ve been a mother since I had the desire to have a child of my own.  If you ask my grandfather, he will tell you I had the word “Mom” written on my forehead for the last 6 years as he knew that is what I was destined to be.  I’m also a mother to three wonderful angels who I think about and feel every single day.  Even though these babies found their home in heaven, I am still their mother…they just were too perfect to be placed here on earth but rather they will play with all the other angel children up in heaven and will be waiting at the gates for me to finally hold them when it is my time.

My little Joey is a true gift and I can’t wait for him to call me mama.  I will protect him from as much evil in this world as I can.  I will teach him the true meaning of family.  I will show him what love is and how you express it.  I have the arms to hold him and hug him, the chest for him to calm in, the lips to give him tons of kisses, and the neck for him to snuggle his head up to but I also have a heart that houses his angel brothers and the dreams they always find their way in to and that is why this is NOT my first Mother’s Day.

Mother’s day is not about physically birthing a child, it’s the emotion, the physical bond, the love, and the fight.  There are many mothers in this world that, although they did physically birth a child, do not deserve to be called a mother while there are so many women who would give anything to be able to do what they did while the bad “mothers” take it for granted and abuse/neglect/take advantage of their child[ren].  These women who yearn to be in their shoes are the real mothers because of their desire.  They dream of what their future child may look like, how they would raise them, and what kind of a man/woman they would turn out to be.  They swear by their last breath that they would give anything, including their own life, to just be called “mommy” by their very own child.  I know this because I was there for five years.  Jealous.  Angry.  Depressed.   All while still dreaming of my future and staying strong because I knew I couldn’t give up on my dream no matter how many times I was knocked down, no matter how many failed IVF cycles and no matter how many times I heard the words “I’m so sorry, there’s no heart beat anymore.”  It takes a strong person to be able to keep on pushing to fight for their dream and while some may eventually achieve it, there are still so many who are left empty handed and broken.  These women deserve to be recognized for their strength especially on a day that many suffer through but put on a strong face so as not to raise attention to themselves because they have never been able to let anyone in on the pain they go through on a daily basis.

I would like to wish all the angel mommies and those trying so desperately to have a child to hold a happy Mother’s Day as well…you have a love that will never be replicated and that makes you a mom as well.  I know today is a sad day for you but you also deserve to celebrate because you ARE an amazing mom.  A strong mom.  A mom that has so much love for something that can’t be seen with the eye…yet.  You are a mom that can put on a strong face for others and help comfort others because you have had one hell of a hard ride and you know real pain.  Raw emotional pain.  Pain that, to me, was far worse than childbirth.  Infertility and child loss are shoes I wish no one to ever have to wear but you wear them…and so do I.  So happy Mother’s Day to you as well.  Celebrate your strength and your love because you deserve to be recognized, too, as a mother in her own right.  A mother of what was, what has yet to be, and unfortunately of what may never be…but still with the same desire, the same love, and the same strength that others should be envious of.

I also wanted to share a special poem with the angel mommies as I read it religiously even when it is not Mother’s Day…sometimes I just need to read it to get through a particularly difficult day.

What Makes a Mother
By Jennifer Wasik 
Written with love for all the Mother’s missing their babies  
I thought of you and closed my eyes
and prayed to God today
I asked, “what makes a Mother”?
And I know I heard Him say,
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a Mother
when your baby’s not with you?”Yes you can!”, He replied
with confidence in His voice,
“I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day
And some I send to feel your womb
but there’s no need to stay.”I just don’t understand this God,
I want my baby here.”

He took a breath,
and cleared His throat,
and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
what your child is doing here.

If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,
“We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here!”
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quick
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
but I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
on her pillow’s where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
Mommy don’t be sad today
I’m your baby and I’m here.”

So you see my dear sweet one,
your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
and this is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with Me
until your lesson is through.
And on that day that you come home
they’ll be at the gates for you.

So now you see
what makes a Mother
It’s the feeling in your heart
It’s the love you had so much of
right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize
that you are a Mother until their time is done.
They’ll be up here with me one day
and know you’re the best one.

51_Baby Cutri

An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth" ~author unknown ~ I love you very much, my angels

An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth. Then whispered as she closed the book “too beautiful for earth” ~author unknown ~ I love you very much, my angels

Reflux medicine and poop-capades!


So it is official, baby does have reflux.  He went and saw a gastroenterologist this week and was diagnosed with reflux and is now on Ranitidine (sp?) twice a day.  The poor guy hates the taste and it cannot be mixed so we’ve tried to give it to him through the syringe in the back of his mouth and he spits it right out while making the worst face.  I did learn, however, a nice little trick.  We tried putting the medicine in an empty nipple but he tasted the whole thing and hated it and drooled most of it out so my trick was stick an empty nipple in his mouth, once he starts sucking on it shoot the medicine in it and it is gone in one big suck.  Works like a charm.  Pisses him off a little but he gets the relief he needs!  It’s only 0.7ml so that’s not too bad…

We also have to test the acidity of his spit up daily to see if the medication is helping and it seems to be.  It’s so weird rubbing a test strip in spitup.  What I’ve learned is the poor thing had so much acid prior to starting the medication.  It was actually REALLY high with very fresh spit up, formula that didn’t even go down all the way when it came back up immediately had a high acid level.  That’s starting to subside now and he’s a much happier baby now that he isn’t in constant pain (THANK GOD!).

I’m glad I saw all the warning signs.  I’m glad I pay very close attention to everything he does.  I’m glad I am stubborn and don’t take no for an answer when I know there is something wrong.  He wasn’t just colicky because sometimes babies just cry a lot.  I would be a mess if we couldn’t figure out why he was screaming and have to cope with trying to comfort him for several months while he was just trying to tell us how much pain he was in.

The new formula is amazing, too.  That was another huge help in relieving some of the crying episodes.  His poops are now better, there are even days he poops 6 times!  That makes his belly feel better and leads to less screams of pain.

He has actually started giving me smiles now that he’s not in constant pain.  Like real awake smiles.  Smiles that melt my heart.  He also gave me real tears yesterday which broke my heart but it was only for a minute and it was done.  I turned off his white noise and must have startled him because it stopped as quickly as it started – but the tears literally killed me!  I cried so hard!!

I just wanted to give a quick update on how he is doing…a happy baby makes for a happy mama and I just wanted to share the good news 🙂

Milk Allergy and Reflux


While a lot of people will never know why their baby is colicky we actually have some answers (and relief!).  I bow down and worship the parents who never got relief and just had to wait it out, a couple weeks of the crying sent me in a panic and I was an absolute mess and thought I was a terrible mother for being unable to help ease my son’s pain.

After many formula switches we discovered he has a cows milk allergy and has reflux.  He is now on Nutramigen and it is in the process of being preauthorized through our insurance to be covered (thank god, it is super expensive!).  He also has reflux issues that appear to be lessening on the new formula.  The doctor said to give it a week and if it doesn’t clear up completely he will prescribe a medication to help.  After the switch we saw a difference almost immediately!  I can’t believe our poor boy was in pain as long as he was but I am SO glad we figured out the problem.  I couldn’t bear seeing him suffer 😦

Now I’m trying to get as much QT as possible before I return to work on Monday.  6 weeks is definitely not long enough time to take for maternity leave!  I’ve also learned how to apply makeup one handed – have our first date since the baby was born for my belated birthday dinner and visiting my family this weekend.  I’ve also written this entire post with one hand 😉

Next week I’ll detail his symptoms in case it can help anyone out…my arm is officially numb and its feeding time – hope everyone has a great weekend!

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