What did I do differently?

I’ve wanted to write this post for a few weeks now…what did I do differently in this successful round that I didn’t do in other rounds?

You know, this time I really didn’t fret about things like eating pineapples or 3 full days of bed rest after the transfer or anything like that.  In fact, I think I still have a full can of pineapple juice sitting in my closet that I meant to drink but didn’t want it to become an obsession.  This time I just kind of went with the flow and didn’t let anything bother me or get me going.

I did go to an acupuncturist who recommended keeping my body warm by eating “warm foods” and not wearing anything that felt snug especially on the day of the transfer.  I saw my acupuncturist weekly from when I started the bcps until the day of the transfer when I saw her right before and immediately afterwards.  This really kept my stress levels low.  I went for walks to get the blood flow going and to aid with stress levels as well.  I’ve never had a lining problem but all of this really helped me have an overachieving lining…it was SOOO cushy and thick.  The doctor and nurses were impressed!

I didn’t save everything like I did with every other round, it forced me not to obsess over every little detail.  I didn’t tell a soul we were going back to do this last round so that I didn’t have that unnecessary nervousness of thinking “how do I tell them if this fails?” rather, I envisioned how we were going to surprise them with good news, something we’ve never done before – this forced negative feelings into feelings of hopefulness and positivity.

The time off really did help, too.  It was a full six months from when my beta levels finally reached zero a few weeks after my emergency d&c to when I jumped back in the stirrups.  In the time off we went on a vacation and it really helped take my mind off of the crazy world of IVF and infertility.  I kept my mind occupied even during the FET by going back to school.  This forced me not to focus on every twinge my body made, I had something else to focus my attention on which was much less stress than I would have encountered if I had nothing else to think about but what was going on with our frozen baby.

Also, everything you can think of that would cause stress happened to me before and during this entire pregnancy but rather than freaking out and panicking I really tried my best to not let it bother me and to try to find a solution to the problem that would have the least stressful impact.  Sure, I’ve had a few bouts of the crazies but they were quickly diminished with solid solutions.  I think I can thank Joe for this, he’s been a real helper in trying to keep drama and stress away from me; however, this forces him to take the brunt of it.  The poor guy is even cooking now since I’ve been so busy with school and work – sometimes he’s moderately successful, sometimes we just call it a fail and scratch that recipe from the books, but at least he tries and for that I am thankful.

I wouldn’t say that I was disconnected from this successful round, rather I was more connected than ever by forcing myself not to obsess or become stressed out by taking certain actions prior to the FET even starting.  I worked on my stress levels through acupuncture, I focused my always racing mind elsewhere, I removed the negative thoughts before they even happened, and I focused on positive thoughts.  Every day I focused on my angels and asked them to protect the embryo growing inside me and almost everyday I would get a sign that they were visiting me…it was always rainbows.  This brought a lot of joy into my day.

So there you have it, that’s what I did differently.  There’s no secret weapons of pineapple cores or royal jelly and fuzzy socks and lots of bed rest, rather my attitude and keeping my mind focused elsewhere were the real changes I made and I am happy I made them as they’ve definitely carried forward as I progress into my 16th week.  I still am in shock that I’ve made it this far and that baby c is always impressing me by the way s/he is always outperforming.  I’m already starting to feel movement and it is the best feeling that I never thought I would ever feel.  I feel like I’m dreaming and I don’t ever want to wake up.

None of this made me less scared, though, that’s one thing I couldn’t shake was the constant feeling of being scared (which is still present today) but that comes with the territory of multiple losses.  Rather than dwell on the sadness I celebrated the short time I had with my babies always.  I am sad but I accept the fact that they are my angels and love them so much for protecting me.  I am scared but I find ways to try to calm myself down if only just a little bit.  The one thing I have learned to accept is that scared feeling will probably never go away even after baby c is born.  We are both very protective of this little bean already and I think we both try to hide how absolutely frightened we are because we are embarking on a series of firsts that seemed so unattainable for years.

So there you have it…that’s my story of this last round and I hope that the information can be beneficial to someone.  I know it is easier said than done to calm down, I’ve said that numerous times, but there is an importance in keeping stress low and keeping positive.  I truly do believe this.


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