Where have I been??


It’s been 9 1/2 months since I last posted in this blog.  Part of the reason for my departure was the torture I endured when I logged on a few months after my last post and seeing that a huge portion of all the infertility blogs I was following had transformed into pregnancy blogs and dealing with that latest loss was just too difficult for me to handle.  I made a vow to myself that I needed to get healthy and actually take some time to HEAL prior to returning.  All the blood work I spoke of in my last post led to the discovery that I have no clotting disorders but my base line folic acid levels were low so I was put on 3mg daily in addition to the 1mg in my daily vitamin.  This is when my healing started.

In March of this year Joe and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary and he surprised me with a vacation to Cancun, this would be our actual honeymoon since we never took ours.  The trip was amazing, so relaxing, and just magical.  I’ve never seen water so blue before…it took my breath away!  After our trip I started up a masters program to keep my mind occupied and decided that I was finally ready to jump back in the stirrups and transfer our last frozen embryo.

In June of this year I went in for my first check up, I started bcp, was given all the normal instructions for an FET and on July 24th we transferred our last frozen baby.  The wait was nerve wracking, especially with my history.  My first beta came back at 116 (and it was even taken 1 day early!) and I was ecstatic but scared out of my mind because of the last beta hell we experienced.  The second came back at 437!  The third at 919 and fourth at 2,283!  This all was still very exciting but still very scary.  Even going in to see the sac at 5w4d with the slightest sign of the flicker of a heart beat wasn’t enough for me.  The following week we saw and heard the actual heartbeat which was amazing but still scary.  My graduation day at 9w2d was one of the scariest appointments as this is the appointment where we lost our precious BOB.  But that day came and went and we were moved on to the real world (which, let me tell you, is not as favoring as the infertility office!).  I had my first big girl appointment at 10w3d and even heard the heart beat on a doppler, at 12w3d we had our NT ultrasound and sequential blood work which was amazing because I got to see that our little baby actually looks like a little baby now!  I got a phone call that I had to redo this whole appointment which scared me but it turns out it was because the lab drew the wrong vials therefore the wrong tests were done on my blood but I got a bonus ultrasound out of it yesterday which made up for it.

So here I am at 13w5d and only a couple days shy of my second trimester and I think I am finally able to realize that this is really happening! I actually have a bump!  I have so many pictures of this amazing child that has fought its way through the seemingly impossible and continues to amaze me every day.  Every day I chant in my head “me and baby are just fine, me and baby are going to make it” and that is the only thing that calms me down on the nights that worry me, which is basically every day.  This chant lets me sleep at night.

What a blessing this child has been, no sickness, no excessive exhaustion, nothing but big boobs and a big appetite which I will gladly take.

I’m proud to announce the very scary but very real pregnancy of myself and Joseph and introduce you to baby Cutri.  BabyC has 3 very special angels looking out for him/her and they have been doing such a great job protecting baby.  I love my angels and my little bub floating around in my womb!

BabyC waving hi to the world!

BabyC waving hi to the world!

Finally, I’d like to say thank you to all the kind words that have been left for me.  I have read every single one of them while I was away but was too scared to come on here to respond.  You are all so wonderful.  And I want to say welcome to my newest followers, thank you for taking interest in my story and please feel free to ask any questions you may have.  I’m amazed to see how much the traffic has increased on this blog even with my absence.  It makes me so happy to know that our story is helping others.  You are not alone in the world and anything is possible if you just have faith and stay calm!

Here I am at 13w1d - I finally have a bump!

Here I am at 13w1d – I finally have a bump!

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26 thoughts on “Where have I been??

  1. amazing! !!!!! welcome back. I’ve thought of you often and hoped life was being kind to you. looks like it was being awesome to you! I’m just a few days behind you (11w6d). i am looking forward to following this new chapter of your blog 🙂

    • I saw!!! I’m trying to catch up on what I missed and I was just on your site and literally shrieked!

      I’m going to TRY to be a good girl and post weekly however I took on a masters program on top of my full time job so it may prove to be a little difficult. I will at least try to get a small update out there whenever I possibly can…I’m going to try to get my first bump pic up from over the weekend…I literally just popped over night right around 13 weeks.

      • i too find posTing a little challenging but little updates are great too. i have a little bump but only lying down. can’t wait to see your bump!

  2. I am so excited to hear from you and especially so to hear this fantastic news! I am truly so incredibly happy for you! You were a great support to me when I embarked on my IVF journey and I can only imagine how painful It must’ve been to see us, one by one, finally getting pregnant. I now have my beautiful 3-month old Frida, soon you’ll have your baby too!

  3. So so so good to hear your fabulous news and that you’re doing ok. Best wishes to all three of you. Baby C is very lucky to have a mommy like you. Hugs!

    • Wow! This is absoloutly the best news! I followed your blog last year as I was going through some of the same things at the same time as you! I remember you leaving and I stopped blogging myself shortly after. We did a round of ivf and amazingly I gave birth to a son in May of this year. I didn’t post about it as so many women I was following were failing left, right n centre and I just didn’t feel right talking about it here as we had a relatively short infertility journey. Will be thinking of you n wishing you the very best through your pregnancy xx

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