I don’t know what else to be at this point.
The nurse did tell me not to google anything, that I would scare myself silly. You can’t tell me that, now I need to google. I wish I never did. She said this isn’t bad yet, that the new standard for normal pregnancy is a minimum rise of 30-35% and I was approx 38%…but they like to see doubling. She needs to see my levels rise drastically tomorrow or it probably won’t be a good outcome.
Although there’s not a lot of info out there on IVF and Vanishing Twin Syndrome this is the best case scenario for us. Still crappy, but the best case scenario. How am I expected to wait another 24 hours for a follow up blood test and then hours after that for the results of said test waiting on do I cautiously jump for joy or cry my fucking eyes out?
I’m already a mess, I’m trying so hard to be strong but this is just a shitty shitty situation and it is so hard after all the crap we have gone through to stay strong. I don’t know if I can handle losing another pregnancy. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I don’t know what I did to deserve to go through all of this. It is incredibly difficult to stay focused when all I get is shit news.
Something’s gotta give at some point. I hope and pray for the best scenario tomorrow, but until then I am so sick to my stomach over all of the bad news in this past year. I really wish I knew how to make this all better. I really wish there will be a time that I don’t have to wake up crying because I can’t have the only thing in life that I truly want.
Please continue the prayers, I really need them.
:Keep Repeating: This will work, this has to work…