Smile, there’s only one more sleep to go!

Tomorrow I get to be reunited with my babies!  Freddie and Jason, I can’t wait for you to move into your new home.  I promise it is a lot warmer than that freezer you have been living in for the past couple months.

I think my mama is more anxious than I am.  She’s going to be surprised when she really does get a picture of Joe’s balls instead of an update tomorrow…she was warned! lol

I’m not really anxious, I am excited.  I am also used to this waiting game…today my wait is for a phone call letting me know what time I am to arrive at the hospital tomorrow.  Tomorrow’s wait will be in the waiting room with a full bladder and also waiting to hear that our babies survived the thaw.  After that is a long wait until beta day.  I know all of these things and have some how come to terms with them.  I’m excited but relaxed.  I’m hopeful and envisioning this working.  I can see it in my head and in every action of every day for the last several weeks.

I keep thinking of my BOB.  I would have been 28 weeks right now with him.  He keeps giving me little reminders that he is here with me.  Playing the right songs at just the right times.  Making my heart beat faster and slower at the same time when I think of him.

Tomorrow is going to be a wonderful day.

For BOB:

That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.

Seeing Rainbows

We are on to the final countdown.  Three more sleeps before I am reunited with my beautiful babies again…the anticipation is ridiculous!  I am super excited.

My sister sent me a text yesterday, she said the sun wasn’t out but she had a rainbow on her ceiling and she took a picture and sent it to me.  I teared a bit and was so happy she thought of me.  I’ll take that as another sign!

I have a question for all you ladies who have their BFP through IVF…how many days of “bed rest” or restricted activity did you give yourself? I have a wedding to attend on Saturday and I just want to make sure that 48 hours of restricted activity is sufficient.

Here’s a picture of the rainbow my sister sent me:

rainbow

Countdown: 6 Days

Have I really not written in a week?  Wow.  My boss has been keeping me pretty busy at work and I am totally exhausted when I come home.  I had a great weekend with my family last weekend, I saw most of the nieces and nephews, played, and passed out while trying to watch a movie.  I’m a light weight! 🙂

Today I went in for my third and final check to make sure I am all ready for Thursday, which I am!!! Lining is “GORGEOUS!” says my favorite nurse.  The plan is to thaw 2 of the 3 blastocicles and the third will be on back up just in case.

Awesome news, no more stabby stabs in my belly every morning at 6am.  That is wonderful.  I am to stay on estrogen [now 4x/day] and tomorrow I am to introduce progesterone into the mix [2x/day]…watch out, here comes superboobs!  You’ll start seeing her in a few days.

This weekend is going to fly by…tomorrow we may/may not end up in Jersey to go watch a race…we are still debating that and Sunday we are putting the house back together after the construction project and going through some of the goodies we pulled from Joe’s grandparents house.  Before I know it it is going to be Halloween and I’m going to have two beautiful blastocysts gently placed up my nono into my nice cushy ute via catheter.  Romantic, no?  I always dress up for the occasion so I look the part…I always ask if I look good enough to get knocked up and the answer is always yes 🙂

Here’s a fun little thing, I can kind of guess based on reading everyone’s own blogs approximately where they are located…if you leave me a comment on here would you mind listing your location?  It would be so neat if I could find someone close to me 🙂 – I am in the northeast suburbs of Philadelphia, in a land called Warminster!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Joe’s Grandma <3

A couple weeks ago Joe’s grandparents were moved from their home in North East Philly to a nursing home.  It was sad for them as they had to come to the realization that they were no longer capable of taking care of themselves and submit to allowing others to take care of them.  The great part of it is that it is no longer a 45 minute drive to visit them, they are literally 10 minutes away now.  No more crazy Philly traffic to deal with, no more struggling to get a parking spot.

Yesterday we decided to head on over and surprise his grandparents with a dinner visit.  We caught them just as they were coming out of their room and heading to the dining room…his grandmother started crying she was so happy to see us. (It was also her 94th (??) birthday, it’s hard to keep track of her age since she can never get it right either lol).

A little background on this, over the last few years, both of their memories have been taking a turn for the worse.  The first year I met them they were able to drive and move around and remember my name, now they can’t drive, they need help doing daily tasks, they know who I am but never remember my name, and his grandmother especially can’t get the dates right.  It’s like she thinks that Joe is her brother sometimes and she’s a child…but then she snaps out of it.

Joe’s grandmother cannot remember much but one thing she held onto was that I was pregnant once.  She asked me yesterday if I was going to try to get pregnant again and kept on saying she is praying everything works out for us.  The sad part was during the few weeks I was pregnant I never got a chance to see her and tell her in person, she learned of the pregnancy and then the miscarriage through Joe’s mom.  I was touched that with all the things she forgets she didn’t forget about this major event in our lives and she continues to pray that we will have a child.  I will take that as another sign that this round WILL work.

It was lovely seeing his grandparents, it’s just sad to see how quick you can go from being completely cognitive to needing help with everything in just a few short years.  We’ll be visiting more often, and bringing our own food because the portions were just too small for me lol….and his grandmother misses home cooking!

Oh well, gotta finish my day at work and get ready for a road trip to see my family.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Two Weeks

This was the slowest quickest week ever.  I feel like each day dragged on but somehow I blinked and it is Thursday.  I’m not sure how that happened, but I will take it!

I’m happy to state that in exactly two weeks (barring any catastrophe’s) I will be going in for my FET.  I am super excited. I am super hopeful. This is going to be it.

Calculating things already it looks like they would arrive in my mother’s birthday month which would be the absolute best present I could give her.

Going into this I feel calm, I have a few tricks up my sleeves, and I plan on wearing the same exact outfit I wore during our Successful round…not only to honor BOB but also as one of my lucky socks.

I’m going to try the wearing socks to keep my feet warm thus keeping my uterus warm in the week of and following the transfer and drinking room temperature water rather than cold water before the transfer.  I need a cozy home for my little babies.

I did receive my calendar of events and the way it is played out right now, the transfer is still tentatively set for Halloween and my test day falls on a day that I will be at Temple University all day for a class so I won’t find out the results until 430.  It’s going to be the longest day ever.

Freddy and Jason (as we will be calling them to suit the Halloween theme), mama really needs you to stick around.  I need to be able to do what I was destined to do…be a mommy.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, I’ll be traveling north to see my family ❤

Remembrance, Lit Candles, and Feast Day

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me, I felt as if I was on the verge of tears all day.  Yesterday was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day (the whole month of October is dedicated to Pregnancy and Infant Loss but yesterday was the day of remembrance).

Yesterday at 7pm I lit 4 candles, one to represent each round of IVF we have gone through and all the embryos that didn’t survive and one to represent my angel baby.  I miss him so much and would give anything to have him back with me.  I hope all of our angel babies loved the wave of light created by everyone lighting a candle in honor of our angels we love so much.

Getting ready for the wave of light

Getting ready for the wave of light

My contribution to the wave of light.  Also included my last ultrasound picture of BOB

My contribution to the wave of light. Also included my last ultrasound picture of BOB

That brings me to today.  Another emotional day.  Today is the feast day of St. Gerard, Patron Saint of Fertility and Motherhood.  Today I pray to St. Gerard that I may be blessed with a child/children of my own and that my little blasts that are going to be transferred on Halloween will stay safely in my womb until July when we will become parents for the first time.

St Gerard

O good Saint Gerard, powerful intercessor before God and Wonderworker of our day, I call upon thee and seek thy aid. Thou who on earth didst always fulfill God’s designs, help me to do the holy Will of God. Beseech the Master of Life, from Whom all paternity proceedeth, to render me fruitful in offspring, that I may raise up children to God in this life and heirs to the Kingdom of His Glory in the world to come. Amen.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Keeping all those who have lost their babies and those who would give anything to become a mommy or daddy in my prayers today ❤

 

Hello Estrogen!

Today was my first check of the FET cycle. Everything looks good and today I took my first estrogen pill (Estradiol-2mg twice a day to be increased next week).

My favorite nurse said that I should start to feel better with the Lupron soon so I am really hoping these headaches start lightening up.

I have never had to take estrogen before so I am not sure what to expect with that…anyone have any side effects from estrogen they’d like to share so I am prepared? lol.

Looks like I am going to be staying on Lupron until next Friday so that would make almost 4 weeks on Lupron for anyone keeping track.

It’s been so nice not having to get blood drawn every day/every other day. This was my first blood draw in a month and it made it so much easier, I had some time to heal!

Oh, I read a neat little tip about transfer day that kind of coincides with something my mom told me a couple weeks ago. Warm feet = warm uterus. Progesterone warms the body and the uterus. Drink room temperature liquids the day of transfer, you don’t want to down cold water as you need a warm uterus to be more receptive of your embryos. It makes sense! Looks like the week of transfer and thereafter will start my boot season to keep my feet nice and warm and I will make sure to not drink anything cold the day of the transfer so I keep my home nice and cozy for my little blasts 🙂

So that’s what’s new with me, now I have to go read and see what’s new with everyone else ;p

Sunshine Award!!!

Image

What a pleasant surprise to wake up to!  Thank you trishadill from Life’s Journey for nominating by blog for the Sunshine Award!  Life’s not always sunshine and rainbows, especially for our tight nit community, but sometimes we have to make light of otherwise shitty situations and always offer support for one another because in the end we are all sisters.  Thank you again ❤

The rules are:-

  1. Include the Sunshine Award Icon in your post.
  2. LInk to the blogger who nominated you.
  3. Answer 10 questions about yourself
  4. Nominate 10 other bloggers to receive the award
  5. Link to your nominees and let them know you nominated them.

Here were the questions asked :-

1. What are your favorite movies and what was the part you liked best?
I’m a huge sucker for comedies, anything hilarious I will watch.  One of my favorites is Adam Sandlar’s Big Daddy.  Up until recently it was the only movie I ever cried to.  (I cried recently at the ending of the new Batman movie because Robin made his debut, but infertility made me do it).  My favorite part during Big Daddy, the part that made me bawl my eyes out like a little sissy was when Frankenstein was being taken away by the adoption agency and started screaming for Sonny and telling him “But I can wipe my own ass!” – That part gets me every. single. time. No lies.

2. If you can travel to any place in the world where would it be?
First and foremost, I haven’t been on a plane EVER.  I am DYING to get on a plane.  So if I can pick anywhere it has to be by plane and it has to be somewhere warm with clear waters and beautiful.  I’m going to go with Jamaica for this answer simply because that’s where I wanted to spend our honeymoon that we still haven’t taken because life has gotten in the way.  Buying a house, selling a house, renovating a house, going through fertility treatments for years = no honeymoon for the Cutri’s, but hey…if I get a baby or two out of this I really don’t give a shit.  There are things much more important to me in life than taking a vacation.

3. Have you ever been to summer camp?
I have been to a sports camp, yes.  It was actually pretty fun.  We played sports all day, we got free lunch, at the end of it we competed against each other.  Me and my brother were on different teams every year.  I learned that I am awesome at the back stroke and am otherwise average in every other athletic event you can think of.

4 . Are you introverted or extroverted?
Under normal circumstances I would say definitely extroverted.  I love being out and about.  I love interacting with people.  I am energized at the very thought of being social.  HOWEVER, there are certain times during an IVF cycle where I am much more comfortable being alone and it’s only because I am so anxious and worried I am going to do something wrong that I just want to focus all of my energy on me to make extra sure that I am taking care of #1 first, everything else will be there when I am done.

5.  Tell me some characteristics that are important to you in a good friend?
They need to be there when I need them the most.  They need to be understanding, kind, have the ability to listen, to tell me without sugar coating it whether or not I am being a puss puss or if I am right for having my worries, and most importantly…when I am in the craptastically crappiest of moods they need to be able to break me and make me laugh and forget about what is pissing me off at that moment.

6.  What are your hobbies?
Racing.  Up until this year with all the treatments I have been going through, Joe and I have owned our own racing series since 2007…we were both involved with said racing series for several years prior, and I grew up going to racetracks.  It’s in my blood.  It’s what I love.  Now instead of being stressed over the management of everything we can actually get to go out and interact with the hundreds of friends we have made throughout the years.  I felt so much more relaxed being able to converse with these guys one on one like a friend rather than a promoter and it was really really nice.

7.  What do you want to do when you’re finished school?
I finished college 7 years ago, I am an accountant and I love every minute of it.  I was lucky enough to land this awesome position 5 years ago (I had two previous accounting jobs, 1 I left to move closer to my husband and the other I left as the accounting department was being laid off to centralize the accounting in the middle of the country.)

8. What is your least favorite food?
Beans.  I hate beans.  Their texture just gets me.  I love the flavor that beans bring to certain dishes but I cannot eat them.  They explode when you bite into them. They have a gritty texture.  The skin makes me gag.  I actually made Joe cook his chili with all the beans in a bag so the flavor went through the chili but no beans were in my batch.  I felt bad because when I took my portion out he emptied the bag of beans into the pot but burned himself attempting to do so.

This does not pertain to soy beans (edamame) – this I adore.

9. If you can change anything in the past what would it be?
I am a strong believer in never regretting any decisions made.  I am who I am because of my past and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

10.  Why do you blog?
I came from an extremely large family, there was non stop talking, interactions, & entertainment.  You take a girl (who is the middle of 7) out of a place where there was always something to entertain you or someone to talk to and move her to a place where she doesn’t know anyone…to where her husband is the only child…where family gatherings aren’t communicated to us.  I get lonely and bored.  I guess I initially started writing to get my voice out there and I feel like sometimes I write like I’m having a conversation with my mom because she’s not in my house, because I have to wait a month or more sometimes to see her.  I also write because what we are going through is not fully understood by anyone around us so using this as an outlet to vent and interact with people in our situation was saving me from going absolutely mental.  I normally am a positive person but we all have weak moments so I rely on you ladies to help me get my head back in the game whether it is by silently (or not so silently) stocking your blogs or asking for advice.

Here are my 10 nominees:-

1. Something out of Nothing

2. Barren Betty

3. From Pincushion to Baby

4. Rain Before Rainbow

5. Today I Hope

6. Nat JezzCrawford

7. Scrambled Eggs

8. Maybe This Time

9. Still a Mama Wannabe

10. Starbucks, Peace, and the Pursuit of a Baby

Here are my 10 questions: 

1. So…Needles…how much do you love them?

2. When you are in the foggiest of days and nothing seems to be turning your mood around, what is one thing you know you can rely on to put a smile on your face?

3. What is the one dish you are known for? (for the not-so-culinary savvy, if you could eat one dish for the rest of your life what would it be, and from where?)

4. Do you have a lucky sock?  (Not so much a sock in particular but an item that you may carry around with you when you need a little extra boost in luck?)

5. If you could go back in time [at any stage of your life] and tell yourself something, what would you say?

6. Who is your biggest Man-Crush (Woman-Crush)? What about them does it for you?

7. Have you had any really odd searches that lead to your blog?  Name the strangest ones.

8. Have you had something REALLY awesome happen to you or someone close to you where it made you feel so happy?  Care to share?

9. If you could go to dinner with any Celebrity, who would you choose and why?  What would you ask them?

10. Why are you here? Why do you blog (besides the obvious)?

Thanks again for the nomination and I wish I could have chosen more blogs to nominate, because I have a bunch of fantastic ladies I follow and who support me!

The Countdown is ON!

What day is today?  Why let me tell you…TODAY is exactly Three Weeks until our scheduled FET (pending everything stays on track).

Three weeks.  Three weeks ago when I started BCP it was Six Weeks.

This FET stuff is boring.  Like to the point where time is just dragging by.

But it’s stress free.

No rushing around.  No packing medication up to bring with us in case we are out somewhere too late.  No awkward “don’t look, I’m getting an injection in my stomach” while everyone is hanging around in the kitchen eating and conversing then the awkward silence, and asking if it hurt, and how it’s all going.  None of that.

I feel like a semi-normal person aside from the Lupron injection in the morning, which by the way I still feel 3 1/2 hours later…I think Joe may have accidentally hit a muscle.  OW!

Now that it is just Lupron, I really don’t feel any weird side effects, but that may all change in a few days once estradiol is added into my daily medication cocktail and then once progesterone is added in it’s all going to go crazy.  Super boobs will be making an appearance again at that point.

Anywho, I just wanted to share another fun milestone…the countdown!

I hope this weekend is fantastic for everyone!