Lupron – Day 1

Today is officially Day 1 of my Lupron injections and I have to say it wasn’t bad at all.  It’s a teeny tiny little insulin needle that is emptied in less than a split second.  Seriously, it was a cake walk.  I jumped when Joe injected me only because I wasn’t expecting it and it scared me.  Actually, I’ve been quite jumpy lately so who knows, could be the BCP making me crazy again.

I have one more week of BCP’s to take and 2 weeks of Lupron until my first check on 10/14.  Two weeks always seems to be the standard protocol of fertility treatments, no?  Hopefully the side effects of the Lupron are minimal.  I am on drugs I haven’t been on ever so I am a little worried on how I will react to everything but also very pleased to be in the position we are to be able to do this FET.

I’m probably going to be boring for a little while on here unless something major happens between now and my first appointment.

Stay Classy everyone.  Support each other…it’s what we are here for.

You down with FET? Yeah you know me!

I’m actually quite shocked at how much less stress this whole FET process is.  With a fresh cycle I’d be worrying about short notice appointments about coming in late, not knowing when the retrieval or transfer or test date is.  So many appointments in such a short period of time.  It was all overwhelming.

I just found out last night that all my appointments for the FET are already booked.  Short notice appointments have gone by the wayside for this.  I have 3 checks before the transfer.  10/14, 10/21, & 10/25.  From there we will decide the transfer date but right now it is already tentatively scheduled for 10/31.  Seriously, the transfer is already tentatively set well over a month ahead of time.  This relieves so much stress I can’t even believe it.  I gave my boss notice for days I will be in between 7:30 and 8 instead of 6:30.  I was already able to tell him I have a tentative day off needed for 10/31 and work from home the day after the day off.

Also, to just add to the awesomeness is I don’t get all hopped up on massive doses of hormones.  That in itself is awesome.  I’m sure it is better, physically, for the embryos too since my body won’t be going through all sorts of weird shit while they implant.  They will only have the nice cocktail of estrogen and progesterone they need to survive.

Let’s hope this stress free FET cycle helps my babies stick around for the long haul.  Is it Halloween yet?

On a side note, I think all of the hormones from the previous cycle have officially left my system…I was up later than Joe the last 2 nights and when I showered yesterday I lost a crap ton of hair…like 4 times what I normally do.  I was losing less while I was on all the hormones.  So yay? Gotta find good in a failed cycle somehow, no?  This one is grasping straws but the real positive is the three totcicles I keep thinking about. ❤

Medication is in

Just received the phone call that my medication has arrived and is ready for pickup.

Also, not that I am complaining but I am a little confused…during fresh cycles nothing except Crinone and my Antibiotics are covered this time everything is covered and I didn’t know why.  I am not going to fight it, believe me, but I am a little shocked.

I can understand the Estradiol and the Progesterone being covered as they are used in maintaining a pregnancy early on and would be taken for up to 10 weeks.  I can also understand the Antibiotic being covered because, well, it’s an antibiotic and SHOULD be.  But where I am confused (and again, not that I am complaining I just like to understand why…) is the Lupron is covered.  Is this drug used for non-infertility related reasons as well?  If not then it makes me wonder why some of my other drugs weren’t covered when this is.

Either way, we were expecting anywhere from 400-600 on the medication and we are only paying less than 160 so I am happy.  That was a much welcomed phonecall.

The Start of a Plan

I received instructions for the next few weeks today.  I do not have any appointments until 10/14 for my first blood work check.

In the interim I am to continue BCP until 10/7, so that is only 18 days of BCP.

On 9/30 I will begin the Lupron Injections @10 units daily (AM) until instructed to stop.  I am not sure how long one is generally on Lupron or the time frame between starting Lupron to starting Estrace, Progesterone, and the Transfer.  Can anyone offer any advice here?  How long was it from when you started Lupron to the Transfer?

I am a little worried as I have a feeling the Transfer is going to happen the day before a wedding we are attending in November and I would much rather it the week before so I can be active at the reception.  If it is the day before I will be too afraid to be running around, dancing, and all that jazz and would probably end up leaving early which I do not want to do as this is such a lovely couple and I would love to spend the whole evening there.

I told Joe my worries yesterday about both the wedding and a class I am taking the following week (The class shouldn’t be affected the second week of November based on my timeline right now…) but he told me to stop worrying, right now I have to focus on me and that’s all.  I worry too much about other things and right now I just need to let this ride until we know for sure…then we can decide a course of action.  I know that if anything my “excuse” is a very understandable one if I can’t be active or if I have to leave early or if I have to miss my class…but I still worry.  I just need to keep focusing on the awesome quality of my frozen babies and keep it positive.

The Next Step

Today, in the midst of a terrible heartache, I had to find the strength to pick myself up, wipe my tears, and head in for a scan and to discuss the next step. I was given the all clear to start bcp and in about two weeks (pending the funding is there) I will begin approximately 4 weeks of Lupron injections for suppression. Towards the end I will add in estrogen pills and progesterone pessaries.

I had requested putting all 3 embryos back in but my doctor thinks with the high quality of the 3 frozen blasts, my chances are way too high for multiples. She believes that these babies are strong enough to make it.

The grading on the 3 totcicles are as follows: 1 AB1 (our strongest who started hatching on its own already – this grading is excellent), 1 AB2 which is pretty damn good, and 1 BB2 which is still pretty good. The grading is on a scale of A-D and 1-4.

I need for this to work. I believe it will work. They are so strong. So hopefully in 6-8 weeks I will be meeting these babies again and praying that they stick. The only thing the doctor thinks went wrong is in the 3 day transfer it’s a guessing game as to what will make it to blast…the three they put back in were probably not as strong as the ones frozen…and at least one of the blasts frozen was only 4 cell on day 3 so this was not even thought to be a front runner.

I have deactivated my Facebook account for the time being, this was a lucky sock in our cycle with BOB so I am doing it again…it helped mentally, too.

How am I? Shitty. That’s how I am. But I can’t let this stop me when I know we have 3 perfect embryos in the freezer waiting to call me mom.

Beta Results

I wish I could have given good news, unfortunately even after how perfect this last round went, we are left with a negative result.  I am completely devastated.

Our last hopes now are frozen.  I go in tomorrow for a scan and to start BCP until we can figure out how we are going to pay for this last attempt since we already had to take out a loan for this fresh cycle.

I need a lot of support to get through this.

1 More Sleep and Cold

Tomorrow.  Tomorrow is FINALLY the day.  Tomorrow is my Beta.

Am I nervous?

I am scared shitless.

But I am hopeful.

This cycle has been so different than my previous two so if I had to guess based on how I felt I couldn’t even answer.  At this point I am holding onto one small thing that was my tell tale last time that seems to be the same now.  I’m not going to reveal what that one thing is today.

Tomorrow I am working from home because for the first time I want to be the one who gets the results first.  If I thought it was negative I wouldn’t want to be the one to get the call but deep down I know I have something in there…growing…ready to be my rainbow(s).

I keep having dreams of twins on the ultrasound screen.  I keep dreaming I am telling the new nurse who is showing me these two babies that this wasn’t my first and I pull out the last picture I have of BOB.  I tell her how he is and always will be my first baby and how much I love him.  I tell her how I am scared to death of being pregnant again because I don’t want to lose them like I lost BOB.  These have been my dreams for the last week.

It feels like I am starting to get a cold, which isn’t a surprise since we are changing seasons…I always seem to catch something when the weather changes.  Let’s see if this cold actually hits or if it is going to linger and bother me.

I need lots of thoughts and prayers and good vibes for tomorrow.  I am nervous.  I really really hope to be giving everyone good news tomorrow afternoon!