Firstly, I know some people who read my blog are not going to know what a Rainbow Baby is…so, here’s the definition:
A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth.
In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.
(I’m crying a little with this…mom probably knows why based on a picture I sent her a couple weeks ago…)
We received the results of the chromosomal/genetic testing on the baby. It turns out that there was nothing genetically wrong with BOB; however, there was a chromosomal anomaly with the 45th chromosome…the “sex” gene…it came up 45,X which means that BOB was missing either an X or a Y and more than 99% of the time this leads to miscarriage (this is also known as Turner Syndrome). This is a random event that occurs when the DNA is being coded…there is NOTHING either one of us could have done to prevent this…this is nothing that is passed down from either of us…it just happened randomly. BOB still has no gender, but I have come to terms with that…BOB will always be BOB and I wouldn’t have it any other way. This whole situation truly sucks; however the good news that came out of this was there was nothing that came from either mine or Joe’s genes that caused this which means that there is nothing wrong with either of us (genetically)…and that’s a good thing. This is one of the most common causes of miscarriage and even two perfectly healthy, normal, fertile people experience this…so…yeah…they say not to be concerned but you can’t tell an infertile couple not to worry…it’s like telling a dog not to piss on a fire hydrant…it’s just NOT going to happen.
I was down in the dumps a little bit yesterday because just knowing that there was something wrong with my baby was hard to hear…I was trying to find the good in this and now that I have I can come to terms with the whole situation. Now it’s time for me to step up and start fighting. God willing, I will have my rainbow baby.
After the weekend is over and my distractions have ended I will be focusing all of my time on preparing for this. I need to come up with a list of questions for my doctor on our review appointment (7/30). I need to start getting the medication in order in preparation of the next cycle. I need to make sure that my house is only stocked with good things. I want to try an all natural diet to make sure I am the healthiest I can be for my baby. I need to make sure Joe is healthy, too, so he doesn’t end up back in the hospital and scaring the ever living hell out of me again. I need to get active so that I can stay active during pregnancy.
I have seen infertility, treatments, and the costs associated with it break apart marriages…and I don’t understand how. I have never felt closer to my husband than I do right now. I thought the same thing during the first round, and then the second round, and then when I was pregnant, and now going through this loss together has just solidified that there is no tearing us apart. We are both fighting for the same thing and I will not stop until I give my husband what he deserves.
I love you, Darling. I love you BOB. I will not stop fighting.