The Final Countdown

Depending on when my cycle decides to start we will be starting our second round of IVF.  Ever since losing the battle with Batman and Robin my cycles have been whacky…I am normally 25 days but it was 30, 25, & 28 each time since (obviously not counting the one from the failed cycle since HRT caused that one).  If I am back to normal this time I should be starting Birth Control as early as Friday but it could be any time between then and Monday…either way this is less than a week away!

I have been trying to get negativity out of my life, I don’t want to hear complaints, I don’t want to complain, I don’t want to hear someone making fun of someone else, I have adopted a swear jar (or two) in my home.  I want to be happy and I am making a lot of progress with that by getting rid of the negativity.  I have heard a lot about the power of positive thinking and I’d like to give it a try…what harm could that do?  So just a warning, if you are around me and you complain or make fun of people or just have a negative conversation going be prepared for me to either walk away or ignore you…I have already given Joe a few warnings that unless something positive is coming out of his mouth he can save his words.

I’ve been trying to come up with names to call our 2 embryos that will be transferred during this cycle and I can’t come up with anything…I think Batman and Robin were great names and I am not sure I can come up with anything as good…I’ve been thinking about it for weeks and I’m out of ideas.  I am very open to suggestions if anyone has any 🙂

I guess I must end this now and start being productive for the day.  If you have any suggestions on 2 names please drop me a comment…I am looking for famous (fictional) partners, it would be better if the names weren’t gender specific (or at least one of them…) but I’m willing to hear anything at this point.

Edit: Here’s my list so far…none of them are really jumping out at me…maybe none will until I see a picture before the transfer….

Bert & Ernie

Bonnie & Clyde

Calvin & Hobbes

Chip & Dale

Dick & Jane

Itchy & Scratchy

Jay & Silent Bob

Lewis & Clark

Mario & Luigi

Rocky & Bullwinkle

The Wonder Twins

Zelda & Link

And Then My Life Flashed Before My Eyes…

There are too many things in this world I haven’t done, there are too many emotions I have not experienced, too many things I haven’t seen, tasted, or touched, too much adrenaline I have not felt…and then today my life flashed before my eyes and it made me want everything I haven’t experienced even more.

I want all these things…but the thing I want most on my bucket list is babies.  I was more shaken up thinking I was going to leave my husband with no children than the fact I could have died right there.  If this isn’t proof that guardian angels exists, then I don’t know what is.  Someone obviously was looking out for me today because a split second of turning the wheel too late could have been it for me.  I am still seeing the headlights in my head just thinking how close that actually was.

What happened? Well, I leave for work at the ass crack of dawn to avoid traffic, idiots on the road, and to get out of work at a decent time.  I was coming down a 25mph road that dead ends into a double lane road at a traffic light.  The light turned green and the car in front of me and myself turned left when the car in front of me SLAMS on his brakes and all of a sudden I see headlights coming through my driver side door and just as it is about to plow into my door it swerves, hops a curb, hits a pole, and continues driving through people’s front lawns.  My lunch flew on my floor, my purse dumped on the passenger floor, and I just started trembling and crying…that came so close I could feel his engine…hence the flashing of my life right before my life.

The first thing I want to cross off my bucket list is being a mom…the rest can wait as this is the most important thing to me right now.

And now, I think I need a shot of something because I am still trying to calm myself down and this happened about an hour and a half ago…

No Longer Speechless…

Yesterday I had a difficult time thinking of something to write…Today, not so much.

I just had a little reminder of my batman and robin.

I was doing what I do every morning, reading through the blogs I subscribe to and also reading under the search term “IVF” and “Infertility” to discover new ones.  When reading the ones I subscribe to I came across a few that I subscribed to that I followed because they were pretty close to the start time of my last IVF cycle.  There have been anatomy scans and beautiful ultrasound pictures…it made me think that if the last one stuck I could have soon found out what my little batman and robin’s genders were.  I could have started calling them by real names.  I could have felt them moving around and kicking.  This makes me so sad and it also makes me so scared for the next round as I just got a reminder of how devastated I was when it didn’t work.

I need to stay positive and I need to stay hopeful.  I want this more than anything.  Hopefully less than two weeks to go before we start the long protocol, last time we were on the short protocol and it felt so jumbled and rushed so hopefully this one will be more relaxing and easy to handle since we are very prepared this time.

Oh, good news, well…good for the situation…we got $1,000.00 knocked off our bill because the co-culture was not successful…instead of paying $2,000.00 for the biopsy, blood draw, and freeze I only have to pay $1,000.00 because the sample couldn’t be cryogenicly frozen.  It sucks to have to pay anything at all on it but I did have a rather large blood draw, they did extract cells they need to make a serum, and I did have a procedure in the office so I guess I have to pay for all of that.

Finally, I hope the compliment I received yesterday counts as my good deed…I always try to be nice and helpful to anyone who needs me.  I held the door for a woman with a cane yesterday and I told her to hold on as I would grab the other door as well.  The woman looked at me and said “You are a nice, kind woman.  You are a good woman and there’s not many of you left in this world.” I was very happy hearing that as no one ever says that to me…I usually get the no eye contact “thanks” and that’s it.

Maybe my kindness is ready to be rewarded…

Two Weeks to go…

This is a different kind of two week wait for me….

Well, it’s been 10 days since my last post and the time has just flown by…I thought time was going to drag on by since I am so excited.  Just about 2 weeks to go until we start this crazy whirlwind of a ride again…I didn’t realize how close it was already.

Part 1 of ordering supplies has been completed for this process and now we await part 2…which needs to get done this week in order to be fully prepared.

It’s so funny, I’m actually at a loss for words because I am head over heals excited about starting again…not so much for the needles but having that chance at our fingertips again.  (Me, lost for words? That’s hard to believe…)

We were in Best Buy and Joe was going on and on about wanting a PS3 and I had told him I was OK with the idea…it is expensive and we have more important things to focus on but I got my camera that I wanted so he can have that…especially since he is the one that has to give me the injections so whatever keeps him happy with me will keep me as pain free as possible. :)I thought I was going to have a well put together thought for this post but I was way wrong…as soon as the new post screen popped up my mind emptied and just kept repeating “two weeks”.

Nervous Excitement…

I am getting very excited about starting in a few weeks…I know this because all week my dreams consisted of injections and twin babies and happiness.  Last night felt exceptionally real.  In my dreams I started my injections and I also acted the same exact way I did every day Joe gave me injections repeating “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this” and then “that wasn’t so bad” – No lie, I did this twice a day last time with Joe with the exception of one day where it really did hurt. A lot. I cried. A lot.  I’m going to try to avoid crying this time around but I really am a huge baby when it comes to needles…thank God I got a pro working that end of the medication for me 😉

Let me tell you, giving up caffeine has been terrible.  I never really realized how much it ruled my life until I cut it out completely and cold turkey.  I know last time I still had a little here and there but I want a good start to this cycle and have decided to cut out a few of my vices one at a time.  I hope with time and getting used to the lack of caffeine the morning headaches go away and hopefully I can stay up a little longer at night.  I have been falling asleep at 8:30 and sleeping all night! (Not that that is a bad thing, I just would like to finish watching a tv show one of these nights…)

I wonder what my lovely husband is planning for our anniversary, it better be good as I am praying this is our last anniversary a childless couple. Hint Hint, Darling…get on that!