Happy 4th Anniversary to my Darling ❤
Happy 4th Anniversary to my Darling ❤
I have no idea how that song entered my brain yesterday, but it did. As I am singing in my head about everything I am against I realized that my life right now is one lyric of that song…”[But nothing compares to these] Blue and Yellow Purple Pills”
No lie, I have to pop 3 pills a day now and those are their colors. Blue = BC, Yellow = Baby Aspirin, Purple = Prenatal. It’s nothing “fun”, as the song suggests, but to me – nothing compares to MY Blue and Yellow Purple Pills because this stuff right here…this is the stuff that is preparing my body for the ultimate adventure. I get to pop pills and get stuff injected into me, I get to shove some stuff in my nether regions…by the time I am all done my stomach and arms look like a pin cushion and I am a totally different person with all the stuff running through my body. In a very very different way…my life is that Eminem song right now.
On a lighter note, today is mine and my Darlin’s 4 year anniversary. We’ll be celebrating with a fancy schmancy dinner on Saturday.
Happy Anniversary, Darlin! I have never loved you any more than I do, right this second, and I will never love you any less than I do, right this second.
I am in shock. They are able to tell me the exact day I will be starting the stims! There is never any certainty involved in any of this and for once, I have an actual start date! I actually have 3 full weeks to prepare for this! AND I got to give my boss plenty of warning that I will be late every other day for over a week and sometime between 4/29 and 5/5 I am going to need a day or two off but I will not know until right before. At least there’s some warning!
I lied yesterday saying I was only going to be on BC for 2 weeks…well I start today and stop taking them on 4/14 (3 weeks total). On 4/18 I go in for my suppression check and that is Day1 of stims. There are 7-12 days of stims so we are looking at an Egg retrieval date of probably 4/29 or 4/30 with transfer date somewhere between 5/2 to 5/5. (depending on if they do a Day 3 or Day 5 transfer).
And you know me…I am a planner…if (WHEN) this works, this puts a potential due date (if a singleton) on 2/2/2014 or (if there’s two) 1/19/2014! How exciting!
I’m even more excited because this is all happening again finally, on the week of our 4 year anniversary. And the egg retrieval is going to be right after my 29th birthday. So many happy things are happening right now. And guess what…I took that stupid needle like a friggen champ today. I was worried because I haven’t seen hide nor hair of a needle in over a month when I had the fasting blood draw for the coculture serum and I cried like a baby…today I was stone cold and made that needle my bitch! Here’s to getting a little better day by day. Hopefully I can make all the upcoming needles my bitch!
Guess what tomorrow is? My Baseline Appointment! It’s officially Day 1 of the long protocol!
I will officially be starting Ethinyl Estradiol (which is a synthetic estrogen birth control) tomorrow for approximately 2 weeks. After that I will be going back in the office for a suppression check and hopefully starting the injections.
I don’t think I was that crazy on all the hormones last time, although I did have a few freak out moments…but overall I think I was just more hyped up and over emotional about the situation and not because of the hormones…hopefully since I know what to expect (or not to sometimes!) I can be a little more controlled. I did hear, however, that the birth control is the one that makes you crazy…so I’m a little nervous about taking this. Imagine that, I am 28, trying to have a baby, and going on birth control for the first time in my life. Is this irony?
I think I am getting myself over excited. I cleaned the house top to bottom yesterday. I want everything perfect right now and to stay that way for what I can feel will be our happy ending.
Please keep us in your thoughts…I am very positive about this cycle and positive thoughts and prayers will surely help as well!
I wish I knew who wrote this…it is beautiful and so fitting.
Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.