Life is not all fun and games…

I have another blog all about humor and every day tales of being married…I want to keep that blog the “happy” blog, I don’t want to infect it with my anxieties, fears, or sadness…if I did that, it would no longer be a happy blog…so I’m writing a spin off to get my angry/sad/anxious words out of my system in hopes of clearing some writers block on my other page…

Joe and I struggle with infertility.  Joe has been taking injections for 2  years now and the longer the process takes, the more anxious, upset, mad, sad, crazy, psychotic, demonic, and (any other crazy adjective you can think of) I get.  I seriously think I am admitable into a mental hospital at this point…and I can’t control it.  Joe thinks by just saying you need to relax that I am just going to relax.  This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with hands down.  I know I am not the one that is self inflicting torture on myself (well, not yet anyways), it is Joe…but I am effected mentally and emotionally throughout everything.

We have a doctor’s appointment today at Joe’s RE to go over our options, and by go over options I mean he is going to refer me to see a doctor to make sure I am a good candidate for IVF…we know this is what is coming…that is our only option at this point.

I am a nervous wreck…I want this more than anything but there are going to be a lot of unknowns in the near future and I don’t like not knowing.  I like to have the facts laid out in front of me clear as day…but I can’t always have my way.  Life is full of unknowns and I am just going to have to deal with it.

I pray that this doctor can calm my worries today.  I pray he can help me overcome some (or all) of my fears.  I hope he is understanding of my distress and anxieties and doesn’t get pushy with me because I am an emotional wreck and I can’t deal with a doctor with no empathy.

10 hours until the appointment and I have to find a way to keep my mind off of it…wish us luck…


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